While Talking with She Lit, Jaya Kumari Shares Her Journey of Self-Love and Growth
Jaya Kumari, a student at Delhi University, has spent years understanding and embracing the concept of self-love. For her, it’s not just a trend but a fundamental necessity—something that has transformed the way she navigates relationships, personal challenges, and societal expectations.
Understanding Self-Love
Jaya believes that most people spend their lives trying to please others—whether it’s family, friends, or romantic partners—while neglecting their own needs. The idea of forming a deep connection with oneself is often overlooked. She emphasizes that people exhaust themselves in relationships when things don’t go as planned, leading to anxiety and emotional distress. But in reality, the one constant presence in life is oneself.
For her, self-love means creating a strong, healthy relationship with oneself before attempting to build meaningful connections with others. “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” she says. If a person isn’t at peace with themselves, they will struggle to maintain fulfilling relationships with others. It also extends to body confidence—accepting one’s height, weight, and skin tone instead of allowing insecurities to take over. “If you accept yourself as you are, no one can make you feel small,” she asserts.
The Journey to Self-Love
Jaya admits that she wasn’t always aware of the importance of self-love. Being naturally sensitive and an over-giver, she poured her energy into her family and friends, constantly prioritizing their needs over her own. Eventually, she realized that in giving endlessly, she was depleting herself. “I kept giving love, but I wasn’t receiving any in return,” she shares. This led to exhaustion and emotional burnout.
The turning point came when she recognized the need for balance. Instead of constantly giving, she started focusing on her own growth and well-being. She learned that self-love doesn’t mean changing who you are, but rather ensuring that your energy is not drained in the process of caring for others.
Another major realization came through her friendships. At one point, Jaya was surrounded by a supportive group of friends, but she slowly became dependent on them for her happiness. It dawned on her that she hadn’t built an independent emotional foundation for herself. “When you rely too much on others for your happiness, you lose touch with yourself,” she says.
She also acknowledges that over-giving can sometimes lead to emotional trauma and depression. The key to healing, according to her, is to recognize and process those emotions in a smart, constructive way rather than letting them consume you.
Daily Practices for Self-Love
Now, Jaya makes a conscious effort to practice self-love in her daily life. She has learned to feel comfortable in her own body, appreciating herself beyond societal expectations. Grooming and self-care are no longer just for the sake of others but have become acts of self-appreciation.
She has also developed a strong sense of self-respect, refusing to compromise on her dignity. “Respecting my efforts, emotions, and boundaries is non-negotiable,” she states firmly. Letting go of negativity has become a crucial part of her journey, as has channeling her emotions into something constructive—such as writing stories, which she finds therapeutic.
Breaking Misconceptions
Jaya acknowledges that many people misunderstand self-love. Some mistake it for arrogance or selfishness, believing that prioritizing oneself means pushing others away. But in reality, self-love is about being at peace with yourself so that you can spread that same positive energy to others.
She also stresses the importance of self-love in relationships. When people are secure in themselves, they are less likely to project their insecurities onto their loved ones. “Many people carry childhood trauma and unknowingly pass it on to their friends, partners, or even their children. But when you heal yourself, you break that cycle and create healthier relationships,” she explains.
Overcoming Failures with Self-Love
Life is filled with setbacks, but self-love helps in navigating them with resilience. Jaya recalls how her family faced tough times, and the only thing that kept her going was her belief in herself. “Self-love pushes me to work hard, take risks, and go the extra mile for my dreams,” she says.
She also notes that people deal with low self-esteem in different ways. Some learn from their own mistakes, while others learn from observing others. While the latter may seem wiser, she laughingly admits she belongs to the first group. The key, she believes, is to recognize one’s weaknesses but also actively work on them.
Breaking Societal Barriers
Self-love is not always welcomed with open arms, especially in conservative societies. Jaya points out how women who focus on themselves—be it through fitness, personal development, or career goals—are often judged. “If a woman in her 40s prioritizes her health, people question her intentions, assuming she’s doing it for external validation. But self-love isn’t about proving anything to others—it’s about feeling good in your own skin,” she states.
She emphasizes that while societal prejudices are wrong, the best response is to stay true to oneself. “You can’t control what others think, but you can control how you see yourself.”
Final Words of Advice
For young girls who feel unworthy or not enough, Jaya offers a simple but powerful message:
- Accept your body as it is. Beauty isn’t defined by societal standards.
- Prioritize your career. Financial independence is crucial.
- Never compromise your self-respect. If something feels wrong, walk away.
- For mothers who feel unappreciated: “Take a break for a few days—people will realize your worth!” she says with a smile.
- Develop a hobby. Personal time is essential.
- Practice meditation and fitness. A strong mind and body go hand in hand.
- Stay focused on your goals. Don’t sacrifice your dreams for someone else.
Jaya believes that self-love isn’t just about feeling good—it’s about creating a life that aligns with one’s values and aspirations. By embracing oneself fully, a person not only becomes happier but also spreads that positivity to the world around them.